Sunday, November 28, 2010

I Love You and Other Lies Boys Tell

"Took me out to wine, dine, sixty-nine me, but didn't hear a damn word I said. I see right through you." Alanis Morrisette

I'm going to be 38 in two weeks.  I've dated, been married, divorced, and now dating again.  When I first got divorced, it was hard to picture myself totally by myself.  Yet I found myself alone with two children and a dog. (and also several mice, but thats a previous blog altogether) I enjoy dating, I really do. Sometimes I read my past blogs and I get on my own nerves.  But things tend to happen that are pretty  bloggable.  And yes I am the constant in that equation (as a certain Jerky McJerkerson pointed out). But well sometimes I think, I choose wrong just for the excitement and a story to tell afterward.  . .

Check this out

I met a boy.  He is an artist (shut up, I know) We talked online.  One day he asked to come over.  I said that it was a bad idea.  He said it would be fine. He would come over, we would watch a movie and we would cuddle and then he would go home before the boys woke up.  I said sure, because you don't find many who understands that they have to be gone before the kiddos wake up. I mean the therapy costs alone...

So he came over and did what he said. It was nice. Just company. So every weekend almost after that, he would come over we'd "watch a movie" and then he would go home.  Sometimes I would go over to his place.  He made me waffles in the morning.  His apartment was like a vacation.  Movies, cuddling, breakfast, silence.  So after a couple of months of this, I got curious. That is a bad sign. that means I'm getting attached. I want to know about him, meet his mom and what not.  *sigh* the beginning of the end.  At any rate,  I noticed that he always came over super late.  It started to bother me.  It bothered me to the point that I said that I was tired of being secret girl he saw late at night.  It was cool for a while, but a person with half a heart wants more than just that.  He said, "ok".  I was pissed. I guess I expected him to put up a fight, to say he'd do better. no such luck.  Then I asked him to send me the beautiful pictures he took of me.  And he told me he deleted them.  I was furious.  Those were the best photos I'd ever taken. So raw and beautiful..gone. And so I do what I do what I always do.  I threw a text tantrum.  Oh the curses I used...

But the next day he said, "are you too mad to play scrabble?" And we played online scrabble just like the old days.  I was impressed. No one ever survived a text tantrum except the Nigerian, and everyone knows he's the love of my life (shut up). 

But I think, that he was a little late on the complete damage I did with my text tantrum, that may or may not have gotten back to facebook, allegedly.  Now its the silent treatment which only rivals plucking my leg hair one by one to the level of torture that is....gosh.  I guess thats over now...

Meanwhile back at the boy bunny ranch:

So I was talking to my other friend (Fred) and complaining about how boys want to have secret late night sex relationships and that was all.  He said,  "I know what you mean.  I am coming to your birthday party. I can't wait to see you."  I thought that was the sweetest thing ever.  Maybe I had mis-judged him.  Then he said, "I know what will make you feel better."  And then he sent me a picture of his penis.  Sigh . . .

So there is another boy, Aloyoisus St. Dexter.  We went to college together.  I met him on the streets one day, and we went to lunch a day later.  Super sweet.  We talked and ate and drank. And then he went back to Jamaica.  He is cool and a west indian (I SAID SHUT UP). But he is in Jamaica.  We talk and laugh on the phone and over skype, but who is to know what he would be like if we were in each other's space all the time.  Murphys Law is a bitch I tellya.

Anyways, my birthday is coming up.  I have an awesome dress, and about to order some fuck me pumps.  However, none of that will be going down.  But it is cool that they want it to.  I just wish someone would like to talk and play board games too.  Maybe a little drunk bop it (funnest game ever). The Nigerian is's hoping that nothing happens....

1 comment:

  1. LMMFAO!! "Fuck me pumps"! I understand your dilemma though! Dating has proven to be a fucked up ritual for me as well. However, I am on the road of self discovery and learning it is ok to say no..I mean HELL NO! to fucked up requests for booty buddies! You will be fine my little flower! :-)