Starting over is a bitch

1 pear vodka cranberry
6 pieces of stewed chicken, Mcdonalds breakfast and dinner
123 pounds (keeping track-Goal weight 140)
1 anxiety attack since last post

So this is my like 3rd time starting over, and it never gets any easier

One of the major issues since leaving my old man was that he would use things that I needed as leverage for taking him back.

I hadn't asked him for anything except to continue paying for my car. The only trouble with that is that everytime i would turn down his ridiculous request to get back together, he would threaten to take back the car. Once he did, came and took the car. He brought it back, but it was a sketchy 8 hours.

So, I had to move out of my 2nd start over house since the mice clearly believed I was encroaching on their territory. Now I am in Laurel. Yeah, i know. So far. I know I won't get any "unexpected drop ins". So sad. not sexy at all.

Moreover, since the car had died, the husband refused to pay to get it fix (or couldn't). He also used this as leverage and drove me back in forth to work for 2 weeks. Then the conversation about why I won't take him back. Then after I refused him, the refusals to give even my mood a lift.

So I did the grown up thing and moved into the cheapest, but nicest, place I could find. I am saving 700 bucks a month. My father sold me his big ole Lincoln town car. It too is unsexy, but I am making the most of it. Yes, being mature can be unsexy. But I finally feel free. I don't need anything of him. I can do for myself.

So starting over is a bitch, but at least I have an extra 700 bucks to buy a couch, a drink every now and again, and possibly some cute shoes.

Reacquaintace

1 screwdriver
8 shrimp wontons
shrimp scampi w/pasta
several oatmeal chocolate chip cookies

The Standards and Stems blog is gone. It was a really good one. Telling tales of a newer teachers experience in a public charter school in the city. I think his admin found out about it. Made them look kind of foolish. Anyway, its gone. Its a shame. It was really good. I think the blogger should continue to write, but this time don't put the link on your public facebook page for the world (including your students) to see it. DUH!

So its almost 4 am and I am awake. Insomnia is back with a vengeance. blah. Anyway I have alot to do. My dad sold me his car. I have to get insurance for it and register it before he will allow me to drive it. I also have to begin packing. oh joy. The worst things ever.

A lot to accomplish. Maybe thats why the insomnia. I also have a rash on both legs. Very itchy. Not sure what that is from...but all that scratchin is making me itch. or vice versa

One thing I like about the insomnia. I like hearing the boys sleep. Every now and again one of them will chuckle. I LOVE knowing that they have funny dreams. Thats important to me.

Also the Handy Manny truck in the kids room keeps going off. I keep hearing, "lets fix the spark plugs" "you fixed the spark plugs" or the voice of Wilmer Valderamma singing, "Trabajamos juntos!" Ugh. Either it has a short or one of my furry pests has gotten into the thing and is trying to take a spin.

Laurel and the Broken Lease

no food indulgences
2 lemonades with a vodka twist
0 Lexapros

I went to see the apartment in Laurel yesterday. Getting there was a huge production. I spent the night over my sister's. She was going to drop the kids off then take me to Laurel then on her way to work drop me at my interview.

I think I should be clear that I love my sister and she does lovely things for me.

She is also a control freak maniac. She woke up late and was rushing around like crazy person. I suggested dropping the kids off at their father's first since it is on the way to Bowie. She screamed, "Hannah has to go to school!" As if I was suggesting that Hannah be late. So I left it alone. While she is driving she is doing all sorts of things. Checking email on her blackberry, putting on makeup, she was paying very little attention the the road. At one point she took her foot off the brake at a red light and almost rear ended a deer park water truck. I took a sharp intake of breath. She looked up and slammed on the brakes. She looked at me and screamed at the top of her lungs, "WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!" How her almost slamming into a truck is my fault, I have no idea. But that is Holly. And she wonders why I just won't move in with her instead of moving to Laurel. Yeah chica exhibit one: your crazy screaming fits. I spent 9 years getting yelled at, I kinda want to avoid the rage freaks from now on.

Anyway, I saw the apartment. Its very nice. bottom floor which will help when I have to walk the dog. Maybe he can get like those dogs on tv that scratch the door when they have to go to the bathroom. Here's hoping...

Went to my job interview. It went really well. They have interviews the week of the 30th and I think will probably contact me either way after that. I really want this job now. They are building a separate middle school. I would be the queen of my own castle. It seems like a great team of folks with a building full of light. The best thing is that what they need is what I am best at. So I'm pretty sure that 70% of my time will be devoted to my strengths.

After my interview, I went back to work. It kind of felt wack being in that building after being with such positivity for 3 hours...Well must make it through this school year and decide from there.

I'm doing good on the College Hoops. I am just one game out. Looking forward to the second round. That will be when the men from the boys will be separated. Ha! Okay, gotta make a game plan about packing up and moving out.

peace out. hopefully will have something much juicier to blog about next time.

Its been a minute

I'm going to use this blog to be more like a blog. I've been using it just to post some of my writing, which I will still do from time to time, but I will also be more bloggery. Yes that is what you call a compound, complex sentence. It is not a run-on I promise. So I will also keep track of my indulgences a la Bridget Jones. So here goes. Do try to keep up.

3/17/09
7 tacos
1 Sunny D/vodka screwdriver
0 Lexapros (still haven't done follow up with doctor to refill prescription)

St. Patrick's Day! Um yeah thats all I got. I'm not a big follower of the Irish holidays. One thing it does remind me of is that i have 2 six packs of long neck guiness in my refrigerator. I hate guiness. I got it for my housewarming party and i still have a lot left. It taunts me because I don't have a man that would come over to drink it. The move to DC did absolutely nothing for me in the romance department. Well, thats not exactly true, but whatever, I'm still stuck with beer I will never drink. I wonder if beer goes bad?

Oh I'm moving out of DC by the way. The mice situation has gotten too much for me. I don't see them all the time, but enough to be self conscious about ever having people over. Its really gross. I will miss my house. It is so cute and so near eastern market. I really loved saying, "yes, I live in capitol hill." even though it is only east capitol hill and I'm pretty sure the house across the street is a crack den. But I am looking forward to closets that use hangers, having a dishwasher and carpets that were put in after the turn of the century.

I will save my snarky pop culture comments for twitter. You should follow me www.twitter.com/meeshelmybell.

I think twitter is full of haters who want to be followed but think they're too good to follow everyone else. A website full of Indian Chiefs and no Indians. HMMPH!

I've been practicing my violin at least twice a week. I am surpised how much I remember after not playing for years. I'm pretty good. I really need a teacher though. It will help me be better and provide me with exercises that work on my fingerings and bow control. okay slipped into violin nerd mode. Sorry.

Tomorrow my friend from high school is coming over to take pictures of me. His photos are brilliant. I can't wait to see what we can do. All girls like their picture taken, makes us feel puuurdy. So, very excited.

Hmm what else? I am really trying to take control of my life. I have realized that I have been just been waiting for stuff to happen. A lot of stuff has been happening but I feel I need to take a more active part. That is part of the reason I'm moving out of DC. Don't like mice and pay too much for a tiny cottage, then move. Unhappy and unsuccessful at work? Try to find a job that actually accesses my strengths. I have some offers and some opportunities that are presenting themselves, I am going to see them through to the end and make a choice that will make me happy. Even if that means staying where I am. But it will absolutely not be in the same position. Special education is all warped and corrupt. I am tired of being in situations that cause me to have to go along with things that are not in the best interest of the students I'm supposed to be protecting. Anyway, I've griped about that before...moving on

Actually, I think I'm done. Going to sleep have to wake up early to catch the train. Did I mention my car died? Not too big of a deal since i'm pretty sure the ex husband had stopped making the payments and was about to be reposessed. My dad has a car he is not using. A huge decidedly unsexy Lincoln town car. I'm going to drive that (hopefully if he lets me) until I save some money to buy something I really want and until I pay down some of my debt. See how responsible I'm being. Remember that as you have the urge to laugh at me as I'm trying to drive that huge boat around town.

Until the next blog

Michele