What a difference a year makes

Last year away on business, I fell out of the shower and bruised my ribs and spleen.

This year away on business, I burned my hand on the iron.

Last year I ignored my pain for a while and ended up in the emergency room, and had a bruise that eventually faded, at least on the outside.

This year I ran water over my hand and it barely left a mark.

I have learned that I know how to take care of myself.

While I was away last year, my dad's kidney functions got low enough for him to start dialysis. His kidney failure was causing heart failure which landed him in the hospital. Last year I was terrified of losing him.

While I was away last year FL lost his mother. She had been sick a long time, then she died. I was sad for him. I worried about him. I was afraid for myself.

This year my dad goes to dialysis 3 times a week. After a rough start, he has responded well to it. He looks better, has gained much of his weight back. This year I'm still afraid of losing him. This year I treasure the moments I have with him. Even when he's cranky.

This year FL has spent without his mother. This year he has tried to be the one to handle the problems with his siblings. This year I haven't spoken to him much. So this year I'm not sure where he's at.

I've learned alot in a year. Things have moved and grown and stayed the same. I feel very different. Less vulnerable, more in control. I'm more satisfied with me and less desire to control and be satisfied by others.

I am much happier being who I am and letting others be who they are and leaving the rest to inclination.